Praesidium was started more than 20 years ago in response to a request from a youth-serving organization where a volunteer sexually abused a child participant. Y-USA is proud to partner with Praesidium to provide training to YMCA staff and volunteers to prevent abuse from happening within our programs, as well as provide resources to our community to help add another layer of protection.

Praesidium recently released a series of parent resource videos that review how abuse occurs, warning signs to be aware of, and how to respond.

ABUSE & WARNING SIGNS

TALKING TO YOUR CHILD

HOW TO RESPOND

In these 10 podcast episodes Meghan Hurley Backofen provides caregivers with 10 Tips for Sexual Abuse Prevention. She discusses much of the misinformation caregivers have that put children at greater risk for sexual abuse trauma. She also identifies what children need to know to be a "least likely" victim. This class is based on her work with sexual abuse survivors and extensive knowledge of sexual abuse victimization. Caregivers will feel empowered after learning specific strategies in how to talk with children about this difficult topic and how to respond if sexual abuse is suspected. 

TIP 1: WHY KIDS NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE

TIP 2: KNOW WHO SEXUALLY OFFENDS

TIP 3: UNDERSTANDING THE GROOMING PROCESS

TIP 4: SECRETS ARE NOT SAFE

TIP 5: WHO'S THE BOSS OF THIS BODY

TIP 6: MAKE CSA PREVENTION PART OF YOUR EVERYDAY PARENTING

TIP 7: KNOW THE SIGNS OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

TIP 8: KNOW HOW TO RESPOND

TIP 9: KNOWING THE RISKS AND PROTECTICE FACTORS

TIP 10: RAISING RESILIENT KIDS

The Monique Burr Foundation for Children has a free online learning series related to child abuse, bullying, exploitation, and other types of child victimization called "Let's Talk about Prevention."

Emerging Trends in Child Sexual Exploitation: Protecting Children Online

Social Media & Emerging Tech: Motivating Mindful, Empathetic & Responsible Use to Prevent Digital Abuse

More from the Monique Barr Foundation for Children's series called "Let's Talk about Prevention"

Information for Parents of Young Children

Even very young children can learn skills to help keep themselves safe from sexual abuse, but it is often up to parents and primary caregivers to help them learn what they need to know. Here are some important things you can teach your child to stay safe.

Teach Your Children About Their Bodies

• Names of all parts of their bodies. Talk to your child about the proper names for body parts, and use the proper name for private parts in that discussion. This will give your child the correct words to use when they need to tell you anything about their body, like an injury or rash or other problem in that area.
• Rules about appropriate physical touch. Children understand the idea of rules. They know there are rules about hitting and biting, rules about playing nicely with others, and rules about being safe, like wearing seat belts. So, as you teach these rules, just add rules about appropriate physical touch. Say things like, "Never let other people touch your private parts," or "Never let anyone make you touch their private parts either."
• What to do if someone tries to break the rules. Your children need to know what to do when someone breaks the rules about touching them. They need to know:
  • What to say to someone who breaks the rules about touching,
  • To move away from someone who is breaking the rules about touching, and
  • To tell you or another adult if someone breaks the rules about touching.
• Teach your child to say, "No!" Or "No! Don't touch my private parts." Or "My body is private. You can't touch me there." Or "Leave me alone." Or simply "Don't do that." Teach your child to say this to other children as well as adults. Practice saying phrases like these with your child.
• Teach your child to move away from anyone who is breaking the rules about touching. Tell your child that it's ok to get out of someone's lap or pull away from a hug, even if an adult tells or asks you to sit on their lap or hug them.
• Teach your child to tell you or another trusted adult, like a teacher or caregiver, if someone breaks the rules about touching them Keep telling someone until they respond and does something about it.

How to Recognize Warning Signs in Your Child

Now let's talk about what you can do if someone is breaking rules about touching your child. No one knows your child better than you. So, as parents and primary caregivers, watch for warning signs, listen for warning signs, and follow up when you see or hear warning signs.

If something is wrong, you may see a sudden change in your child's behavior, or you may hear unusual comments. If you see or hear these things, follow up. Find a relaxed time to talk one-on-one with your child.

Responding to Inappropriate Behavior or Touch Your Child Reports

If you child tells you about inappropriate behavior or you witness it, such as someone who is too physical with them or who makes them uncomfortable, ask them to give you an example. If the interaction was inappropriate, but not actual abuse - talk with their teacher or caregiver. Specify your concern and check back with your child and with the teacher. Abuse can be very private and embarrassing, so keep in mind that your child may not say anything at all.

How to Respond if Your Child Tells You About Sexual Abuse

Your response plays a big role in how your child understands the abuse and how they recover. If you find yourself in a situation where your child (or one anyone else, for that matter) confides in you that they have been sexually abused by a teacher, family member, youth, coach, or other trusted adult, follow these four steps:

     Step 1: Listen.

• Do your best to stay calm and let the person talk. Don't pry but you can ask a few questions that will help you understand what happened.

     Step 2: Reassure.

• The person may be scared, angry, confused and crying. You can reassure them with a few simple comments like:
  • "I know how hard this is to talk about." "You are very brave for bringing this out."
  • "Don't worry, you are doing the right thing by letting someone know." "This isn't your fault. You've done nothing wrong."
  • "I'm very sorry this has happened to you."

     Step 3: Protect.

• Make sure the person is safe. Do not let the accused person have any further contact with them and tell the victim-survivor you will do everything you can to keep them safe and/or supported. Let them know you must share what they have told you with others who can help.

     Step 4: Report.

• Write down as quickly as you can everything the person shared with you in as much detail as possible, using the person's actual words, not your own interpretation. To report concerns or suspected abuse, call your local police department. 

It's up to us as adults to do all we can to prevent child sexual abuse. It's up to all of us, especially parents and primary caregivers, to create safe environments for children. Teaching them about their bodies, recognizing warning signs, and responding to yours and your child concerns are important first steps.

This information is designed to help you talk to your child in situations where there is a possibility that they might reveal information about inappropriate boundaries they have experienced with an adult or another youth.

It may be difficult to do but it's important to try to stay calm when you speak with your child. Your demeanor will communicate more than your words. Children can be traumatized by emotional, angry or accusatory reactions.

Things to consider before talking with your child about sensitive subjects:

• Timing and atmosphere are very important. Choose a calm, unhurried, private time to talk with your child.
• Before beginning this type of conversation, be sure you're ready. Be calm, emotionally controlled and confident. You want to communicate to your child that you are open to discussing this topic and that you can handle whatever they need to tell you. 
• If this is difficult for you to talk about, practice first with a friend, your spouse, or in a mirror.
• Use simple, conversational language, gauged to your child's level of understanding.
• Do not make the talk scary or gloomy. Self-protection is an issue to discuss with children on a regular basis. Conversations such as this should be a positive learning experience for children so that they feel comfortable talking about their bodies. This also increases the changes that your child will seek your advice in the future. Remember, "If you can't talk about it, you can't protect it."
• If you child shares difficult information, stay calm. Do no say, "Why didn't you tell me?" Do let the child continue to talk. Say that you are proud that they found a way to get help. If you are at all agitated, it may be best to wait until you have a chance to contact a local resource to continue the discussion. Tell your child, "I'm really proud that you've shared this with me, and I think we should continue this discussion when we can get some extra help from a counselor who has helped other children with these things. How does that sound?"

How to begin:

• Start the conversation casually. "How was your day?" Or "What did you do at school today?" Or "It's nice to have a chance to sit and talk for a minute, isn't it?"
• Identify the circumstances in question. "How is everything going at camp?" "What is your favorite thing to do there?" "What is your least favorite thing to do?" "Has anyone made you feel uncomfortable?" Then "Remember that if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable you should tell mommy, daddy, a teacher or other grown up you trust." And "You know it's very important that if anything like that happened to you that you tell me right away, right? That way I can make sure you are safe."
• Questions if you and your child want to continue to talk.  "Tell me more, I'm listening." Your child may be uncomfortable so you will want to do what you can to put them at ease. Sitting close, using a calm voice tone, giving a hug or keeping your arm around them will help. You can also say something like, "Honey, you know I love you very much and I'm concerned that you might be upset about something. Can you tell me what you're thinking?" If your child stops talking or gets upset, continue comforting them.
• If your child does disclose that something happened: "I'm really glad you told me about this. You did the right thing by telling me. I know you are upset by you know I am here for you."
• After the conversation write down notes about the conversation while it is fresh in your mind. 

It can be hard to know what to do to help a friend, family member, or student who is a survivor of abuse or exploitation. Victims of abuse and/or exploitation may experience a range of emotional responses after an incident. Please read below for some helpful hints for parents/families or partners/friends of those who have experienced abuse and/or exploitation. Here's how you can help:

What to say to a survivor:

• I'm sorry this happened to you
• It wasn't your fault
• Thank you for telling me
• I'm always here if you want to talk
• Can I do anything for you?

What parents and families can do:

The process of recovering from abuse and/or exploitation takes time. As a family member, your help during this process is essential. Survivors need a great deal of support and caring as they begin to address and survive a very frightening and sometimes violent experience. Families can help by:

• Listening and be available
• Believe and do not judge
• Recognize that recovery takes a long time
• Respect the decisions that the survivor makes
• Be gentle, sensitive, and respectful of the survivor's wishes for closeness and affection
• Find your own support

What NEVER to say to a survivor:

• It was your fault.
• You could have avoided it had you...
• It's been so long! Get over it!
• You wanted it.
• You were asking for it.
• It's not that big of a deal; it happens to lots of people.
• I don't believe you.

What friends and partners can do:

Friends and partners play a key role in both preventing abuse and exploitation from occurring as well as lending support to a survivor. They are often the first people in whom a survivor might confide. Here are a few things to keep in mind to support your friend:

• Believe your friend/partner. People rarely lie about sexual assault, intimate partner violence, stalking, or harassment.
• Listen to your friend/partner and concentrate on understanding their feelings.
• Ask how you can help.... and do it.
• Offer to accompany your friend/partner in seeking medical attention, counseling, or reporting to law enforcement.
• Help the friend/partner regain a sense of control by supporting them in making decisions about whom to tell and how to proceed.
• Remind your friend/partner that sexual violence is NOT their fault!
• Offer shelter or companionship so that they don't have to be alone.
• Be available and supportive.

There's no "right way" to heal from trauma. Be there to listen, to care, and to help!

Recovery from psychological trauma is often a difficult and gradual process. When a trauma survivor takes direct action to cope with problems, they often feel a greater sense of personal power and control. Positive coping actions are those that help to reduce anxiety or other distressing reactions and improve the situation in a way that does not harm the survivor further.

Positive coping methods can include:

• Learning about trauma and it's effects
• Talking to another person for support
• Practicing relaxation methods
• Challenging negative thoughts and beliefs
• Increasing positive and enjoyable activities
• Calling a therapist for help